Amazing Grace

Towering introspection is often the product of failing to reach certain invisible but tangible expectations we have of ourselves, others and life in general. For Christians, many still live with 'Law Consciousness' as the means of measuring their worthiness without truly understanding that 'Christ was the end of the Law' and has opened up a 'new and living way' through the finished work of the cross!
Unhealthy degrees of introspection based on 'point scoring' (or 'own goals'!) against some performance code we imagine God to have, leads to a privatised outlook on life that is bereft of sowing ourselves into the 'field of the world' as the 'good seed' that Jesus the 'sower' has declared us to be! Dizzying degrees of self-analysis, God questioning and the vacuumous effect of introspection are right where satan 'the enemy of our souls' wants us to be! They produce man-consciousness rather than God-consciousness and narrow vistas of small thinking that renders faith like a box of wet matches.
The drive for 'success' has been instilled in us from infancy. Society is built upon it. From prize-givings to beauty pageants to the selection of teams in PE class, all of us have at times felt the need for affirmation and 'success' crushed, leaving us feeling like 'also-rans'
Until the last number of years, much of Christian ministry was also founded for me on the faulty foundation of worldly success psychologies, that is until God allowed me to experience a sense of 'failure' often enough and 'delay' long enough to know that something was not right here in my 'cause and effect' lens for the Kingdom of God. Surely if the inputs were high enough into the systemic nature of ministry that sub-consciously we had understood then the outputs would role down the production line. Not so.
It has only been experiencing the sheer power of God's Grace and love inspite of my weaknesses and sins that has taught me that its less about us than I had at first understood.
The connection between our achievements and perception of success can be a self-limiting factor that sets the barometer for our inner world. If we are accomplishing and doing great then we feel all the more loved, but when we aren't we can feel alone and unloved. Experiencing failure may seem like a horror show when it happens but on reflection I am learning to see that there is something much more precious at stake than the performance based litmus test. Failures in and through our lives can be the door to experiencing and dispensing new levels of God's mercy and Father's heart - and all that inspite of us!
When you experience a sense of failure, as I have often done, please understand that God does not reject you. Thats what puts the 'amazing' into Amazing Grace (how sweet the sound that saves a WRETCH like me!) So often we have thought if only I could be better, do more, have more to show for my effort THEN I would be valuable and significant. Dear friend, that is not so. The cracks in our squeeky clean and 'together' lives are testament to the fact that we are not the finished article nor should be spend our lives expecting to be either. That is too exhausting. Grace will lift you. Our need of God is based on humility. Humility deveops through failures and delays along the rough-road of life. As His light shines through those cracks in the armour of our not-so-perfect lives then let Him love you anyway, because that love was never based on your virtue in the first place. Its Amazing Grace.
JS