Control and manipulation - part 2

Control and manipulation is so much a part of certain cultures that it is seen as just part and parcel of everyday life. Ireland is no different.

While living in India we were often confronted with people in positions of authority who loved to use their position to garner reward through illicit and manipulative ways. It was a very obvious part of culture. Just because it may be less obvious in Ireland though does not mean that it is absent, just dressed up in different 'clothes'.

Manipulation comes in lots of shapes, packages and guises. From a parent who threatens to withdraw love or support if their will is not performed, to a wife that withholds sexual intimacy from her husband repeatedly to prove how displeased she is with him...to a friend in a school classroom who tries to make another feel bad or guilty in order to garner their undevoted attention...to a work-colleague who belittles another or sows seeds of disapproval and slander in a perverted attempt at self-agrandizement and ladder climbing....the list of possibilities is endless and so are the day to day realities.

Jesus Himself never manipulated anyone

. He spoke the truth in love and told us that the truth (that we know) will set us free! He came to bind up the needy and broken, and His Gospel is one that brings us into radical heart transformed but willing freedom not compulsion through guilt.

Some steps in getting free of the effects of relational control and manipulation,

1) Identify - What we are not aware of can continue to harm us. People who live near a railway line often become completely unaware of the noise as each train passes by. This is a process of time and becoming conditioned to the enviromental factors around oneself. The Spirit of God gives us discernment though and helps us to 'test the spirit' of a person and their words and attitudes.

2) Contextualize - Please remember that, for the Christian, we 'wrestle not against flesh and blood' (Ephesians 6) Manipulation is never acceptable in my opinion but it is important to remember that people who manipulate or try to control others may have never learned another way of operating from their own upbringing. This does not excuse their behaviour but it can help to give us patience. The other thing is that when we realise that demon powers are often at work, through oft' unsuspecting personalities, even Christians (I am not infering here 'possession' of Christians but rather that they are 'aligned' incorrectly) it gives us perspective that many of these battles (spiritual in nature) need to be won by regaining our 'legitimate authority' in Christ, being surrendered to the subtle but dark and 'spiritually illegitimate' methods of coersion. This authority we have as sons of the Lord is our inheritance but we have to learn how to live in this.

3) Submit - Aha says you, this is where Shiels has got it wrong. No not to manipulation! Read on. James 4v7 'Submit to GOD, resist the devil, and he will flee from you'
We must submit to God before we can effectively resist the devil and his devices. Let me give you an example of how this operates.

If someone is hosting an attitude laden with manipulation, then tied into this is often a spirit of intimidation. This aims to bring fear

. The Bible tells us that fear 'has to do with punishment' - or 'consequences' As such, intimidation works at its most destructive when 'fear of consequences' dominate and control the intended 'victim'. This was Jezebel's aura and continues to operate through unsuspecting or sometimes co-operative hosts who have sold out to the perceived rewards beyond any sense of propriety. Our God, however, is not a God who intimidates in order to control...

The Bible's and therefore God's remedy to intimidation, and the control this brings, is quite simple - PERFECT LOVE. 'Perfect love casts out fear' we are taught! How does this work though? Is it a warm fuzzy feeling or something like that? Well, I don't think thats the context. Jesus is always our greatest example - perfect theology if you like! Jesus never surrendered to the will of satan, even when He was nailed to the cross!

No! In his sacrificial death Jesus was surrendering to the will of His Father whom He was One with through the Holy Spirit! As we submit to the Father, and His faithfulness and Lordship, we learn to lay down our rights for the will of the Father! Remember the Garden of psychological torment for Jesus...'Not my will but yours be done' was the outcome of One who had learned perfect obedience through what He suffered, and exemplified in the most vivid and loving way what perfect love looks like!

Perfect love is surrendering our will to God's will. Its about dying to self, more than a warm fuzzy feeling, so that God can live through us more and more! Its not an easy track but its a track where fear has less and less of a 'landing strip' to alight on us and tie us down through control, manipualtion and intimidation.

When we are in a given situation or relationship where manipulation is prevalent we need to have the following posture: 'I am going to go God's way, will not be forced to do something against my will, will operate in God's peace in this situation no matter what the other person thinks or says and no matter what the consequence is' At this point the 'hook' the enemy uses to put fear (with control) on us has nowhere to attach itself...and freedom reigns!

Perfect love dear friends, casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. Indeed, in suffering for Jesus, there is a difference between this and punishment. God does not punish His children (Jesus took this) but He will discipline us as sons and allow our faith to grow towards perfection through suffering and learning to walk in perfect agape love.

A love that is bigger than consequences or fear of outcomes. A love founded on a greater love, bestowed by the One who first loved us.

JS