Control and manipulation- Part 1

Control and manipulation are not God’s ways

1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
3 Elijah was afraid[a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 1Kings 1v1-5


I would like to focus here on examining and indeed exposing something that is multi-faceted and endemic in our time: spiritual and psychological control and manipulation.

Our world is full of brokenness, intimidation and self-centeredness, in addition to the wonderful love and selflessness that can also be admired. In many cases these destructive ‘mechanisms’ are so ingrained in our culture and human relationships that ‘it is hard to see the wood for the trees’. That is, unless we have a ‘plumb-line’ to measure against (the Word of God), and a certain degree of spiritual discernment (‘spiritual antennae’) that expose these very damaging and malevolent attitudes. Sometimes it is hardest to see them in ourselves though due to pride or deception. Having honest accountable friendships is something that WE must cultivate.

I call these attitudes of control ‘mechanisms’ because they are instrumental in nature – that is, techniques with a ‘personality’ behind them that are designed to illicit a certain response in relationships and to garner co-operation to please and submit to the underlying demands.

This happens through illegitimate means that are there to force and subjugate a person through fear, intimidation, guilt, threats, jealousy and so on

. I call them ‘illegitimate’ because I believe we are created to willingly submit our lives to the highest power and authority – to Father, Son and Holy Spirit and it is my emphatic belief that God is a God of love who invites us into responsible freedom, not the polar opposite of demonic control and manipulation. Satan seeks to control, and may use humans to try to achieve his goal, God frees us and gives us a new heart with His Spirit to indwell and compel through grace. Think of it.

God does not force you or I to love him, he invites, and has paid for all our freedom by the sacrifice of the Saviour Deliverer Jesus.

As a church leader I have come to realise that being a believer in Christ is also no guarantee that we live free and whole in this area – either as the dispenser of these traits, the unfortunate recipient, or both. That is, unless we take ‘authority’ over this area of both that which we ‘transmit’ or ‘receive’ spiritually and psychologically. As such there is no sense of superiority here. We must all be on our guard.

What I do know, without a shadow of doubt, is that control and manipulation is never Godly or helpful and must be resisted by a deeper submission to God and a rising in our spiritual authority as sons.

Control and manipulation can be seen in families, marriages, friendships and work-places alike, and yes even in church! Sometimes this is seen as being necessary or ‘benign’, like a parent who is overly strict and controlling of their child out of fear that something harmful may happen otherwise, or a friend who feels lonely and fearful of losing a friendship so engages in self-pity or critical attitudes to control the other person’s response and garner sympathy.

The Church in Ireland has been gripped by systems of control for generations. It took a tragedy to free our nation from this tyranny. There is often a sexual overtone associated with control and manipulation. The church of Thyatira in the Book of Revelation had a character (or is it symbolic of the spirit?) who was a false prophetess called Jezebel who was also associated with sexual immorality. However, manipulation and control can flow in many guises in church: from the businessman who with-holds giving any of his finances because he didn’t get ‘his way’, to the Pastor who puts ‘heavies’ on the sheep or has them ‘jumping through hoops’ in order to ‘earn favour’ with God (which we have anyway by Grace!) or ‘become leaders’.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.Galatians 5v1

Next blog I am going to look a little deeper into the attitudes associated with control and manipulation, how they can manifest, and how to stay free to be the unique you living in the freedom of Christ by the rhythmns of grace